a little tid bit on purity

As I looked back at my blog there have been very few posts I wrote that had meaning, significant meaning that is. Now that I am engaged I feel as though my thoughts on purity should be shared, they were never normal and I am thankful to God that they were not. The story begins when I was 13 years old. At this young age I was already reading books on dating and I knew I wanted to be careful. Books like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “When God Writes Your Love Story” really impacted my decisions during that time of my life. Some could say that I was swayed by those books into adopting a viewpoint, but I think being swayed to adopt a more Godly view rather than be sucked into the world’s ideas is always a good thing. I would encourage any young girl to read books. The world communicates nonstop about dating and love and thus it is vital for girl’s to fill their minds with stories of a Godly alternative. I’m not saying they should accept and adopt every idea, but their minds need to be filled with a more fulfilling, God centered way of falling in love.

My freshmen year of high school I made the decision that I would not only save sex for marriage but I also made the decision to save my first kiss for the man I was going to marry. I made that decision and through the following four years I was made fun of by Christians close to me and that decision was not valued or encouraged. It truly broke my heart that in a sex-saturated world a young woman who was pursuing purity was not even encouraged IN church. I continued through high school and always dreamed of meeting a man and him feeling grateful and honored that I saved my kiss like I had always read about in my Christian books. This just did not seem to be how it went in real life, I decided to just accept that fact and at least find a guy who put up with it. Deep down in my heart though I knew that saving more of myself for my future spouse should be valued. The books I read encouraged me that a man would like my choice to save my kiss and yet none of the men around me seemed to care; even those in the church didn’t get it. I wish so badly that I could have had men in my life who told me that saving a kiss was great and something to be admired, not tolerated.

As I look at the diamond on my finger I know that I made the right choice. There is not even one part of me that wishes I had kissed when I was younger, I am happy I saved more rather than less. My decision to save my kiss was hard for both Nolan and I but the point is that he admires that choice I made and he treasures it. I never thought I would find that, I thought it was a thing of Christian novels. All that time there was a man out there who would treasure it; someone who actually thought it was amazing! I could not be more thankful that God gave me the strength he did because maybe I can be an encouragement to some young girl as she sets standards.

Men,
Looking back I am incredibly disappointed in Christian men. Encourage these girls to save themselves even in “extreme” ways. Do not mock them but rather lift them up and encourage them. Not every young woman has a Christian father so you may be the only one to encourage her in this way. The affirmation from godly men that saving more rather than less is admirable is vital, so many girls who make this commitment do not get attention from boys and they need hope that the wait is worth it. The world glorifies sex and glorifies woman who do not act Godly so if the world isn’t encouraging these young women to save more than just their virginity who will? We cannot place all the responsibility on these Christian books to confirm to girls that men do value that degree of sacrifice and commitment. What these girls really need is men in their life to say, “what you are doing is worth it and a good man will value it, don’t give up”.

Young Ladies,
Depending on God and developing standards is vital. As a girl we give our hearts away quickly because we long for that attention. It does not matter what your standards are, a good man of God should respect them and encourage you in them; though he may struggle with them at times, he will always come back to the fact that you are a daughter of Christ and should be valued as one. Young ladies, read those books, sets those standards high because if you do not I can promise you that a charming young man will push you farther than you want. A true man of God will make it his daily goal to silence his flesh and think of you, though I will say that he may not always succeed but if he is trying then grace should always be given. Keep in mind that you will tell your husband someday everything you did with other boys and no matter how long ago it was it will still make him sad. If you save your first kiss and especially your virginity a man of God will treasure it. Even if you have already made mistakes you can start saving yourself now. It is never too late to minimize the list of explanations you will tell your husband someday.

So just in case you don’t here it from anyone else, choose to place your standards high because you will not regret it. No one needs a laundry list of people they have given parts of their heart to. A godly man will value your choice and maybe even wish he had made the same one. Not only this, but God will be honored. You are a set-apart woman of God and it will be worth it, if a man comes along who disagrees, tell him to hit the road, because you are too good for that.

Comments

  1. I agree that girls are not encouraged in the purity aspect as much as they should. However, I think it is different for each person - some girls have great support and for others it is extremely hard. I also think it is really sad for how much criticism guys get for not supporting girls in their purity decisions when they do not get any encouragement themselves. Along with guys improving in this area, I think we girls have room to step it up as well. I commend you for writing a post on such a much needed topic!

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  2. Amazing post! I'm so proud of you and wish I would have been stronger on the basis of purity as a teen. It's something I hope to stress to my children and hope they choose to do. It's an amazing stance and a man who doesn't respect it probably isn't worth it, anyway. Congrats on your engagement and what a sweet proposal story!

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